I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize