I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize