I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
