As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
