Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
