btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
