Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
In America we eat man semen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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