I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
