I don't usually arrange sex via text message
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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