Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
