He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
