my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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