Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
