You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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