I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
