Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
how does that bad decision feel?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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