I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
