I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
