I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
