Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize