Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
