I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
