the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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