She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
