Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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