hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
