I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
do herpes really smell.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize