Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
