see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
well you can't waste a boner
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
