Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
