Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
