There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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