His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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