Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize