Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
