Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Pappa wants mamma naked
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
