remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
