Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
