What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
