Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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