I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
