there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
