Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
