Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
