a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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