you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
