Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
