All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
