I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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