I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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