I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
