You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
