Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
