My nipple is on Facebook.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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