I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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