You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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