My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
