man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
