4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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