just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
