ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
