I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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