I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize