Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
